Three months have passed since my short list of commandments for fantasy football smack talk. Since we are now through the halfway point of the regular season, I thought it would be a courtesy to you, the reader, to continue what I started. These, my friends, are more of the smack talk commandments.
7. Thou shall finish what you start. If you take the time to lay down the smack, finish it. Ending smack with no foundation behind your argument is merely name calling. Let's look at an example.
Player 1: You're a poo-poo head.
Player 2: (stares at Player 1 with a look of confusion)
(awkwardness wins in straight sets.)
See, no substance, finish what you start...tell the player WHY he is a poo-poo head, and be sure to make it clever.
Player 1: Man, is your head full of doo-doo? I can't believe you played that guy. He's on a bye week. That's like stealing the front window pane out of a Radio Shack. Makes no sense.
Player 2: Agreed, I can't believe I pulled such a boner. I am such a bad player.
Player 1: I don't know what masturbation has to do with that, but I will say I certainly roughed you up like a suspect.
8. Limit "current events" in your smack talk. Please, keep it generalized. We all know the H1N1 is going around, we all know who our president is, and we all Ben Rothlisberger likes to stop cars with his face. We don't need to be reminded of that every week. Chances are better than average that you are NOT as funny as Lewis Black. Keep it simple and understandable enough for even the dimmest of players to understand. The exception to this rule is the "balloon boy."
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