Assumption movie review

I am going to do a review on a movie I have never seen. I will simply find a movie title and judge it by its cover. Tonight's movie is Alien Dead.

The zombie movie genre is one of my favorites. I put it in a close second to any movie with John and Joan Cusak in it.

Judging by the cover of this "DVD" (notice lower left corner), I would have to say Alien Dead is an aquatic zombie movie. Not only that, but it's a good one! Its been burned to DVD and celebrating 25 years! So, Alien Dead HAS to be good, right?

I would assume the movie takes place in a fairly large body of water. I would also have to assume aliens or people from space contaminate the water and all those unlucky enough to drink or swim in the water becomes zombies (or the "Zed" word.")

The plot of Alien Dead probably goes like this:

1. Aliens contaminate water -- its either aliens or people from space.

2. Common people get exposed to water and become zombies -- see picture above. A scientist in the movie will attempt to explain it, but by that time, you will have lost interest in the reasoning and will want to get to...

3. Zombies are horrifically destroyed by humans united in the stance against zombies. -- This is what makes zombies movies rock! There is no wrong way to kill a zombie. Be creative! Zombies have the skeletal make up of a watermelon...hard outside and juicy inside! Isn't gratuitous zombie violence what we all really want to see.

4. One man steps up reluctantly to lead and, thus, is the hero -- Usually played by Nick Cage. Why people want to rally around the guy that doesn't seem to care is beyond me. "Hey, we need to be saved, let's find someone who is indifferent to the whole situation but has a ton of one-liners."

5. Subplot of a love interest (in this movie...the love interest is a zombie.) -- did I tell you our reluctant hero is most likely retarded?

6. Resolution...this is the mass destruction of zombies. You will know it when you see it. This is when there will be an explosion, and zombies are unceremoniously destroyed all at once. Immediately after this, you will say.."how lame." Our hero will conjure up his best one-liner so after this, but, lets be real, you've turned the movie off. All the zombies are dead...no more reason to watch...

What really sets this zombie move apart from the rest is the ENTIRE MOVIE takes place in three feet of water. I think the awesomeness of that speaks for itself.

Alien Dead also teaches us a couple of interesting facts about zombies:

Zombies are apt swimmers, they STILL lack basic dental hygiene skills, and when not wanting to feast on unwilling victims, they take time to love.

All in all this is an awesome zombie movie, because, well....I haven't seen a bad one yet.

Rating:

666 stars!