Assumption Movie Review Part II

I would like to start out by saying tonight is a very special night, but it's not. It's Tuesday. Another reason tonight is not very special is because I get to assume I have seen the movie...



CLASS OF 1984

Ah, yes, Class of 1984. Judging from this movie poster, I can only assume they are referring to a very large graduating class. I was in a class of 300. This one is much bigger, close to 2,000. According to the top of the poster, "We are the future! ...and nothing can stop us!" I assume this is their class motto. I think mine in high school was, "We survived the public education system." or maybe it was "All of us aren't in jail. Yay!"

I don't have a lot to go on with this poster, but I think the movie goes something like this:

1,980 high school students are getting ready to get all dipolma-ed up. All are in their gowns and ready to don their square caps and tassles and make that first step into the "real world." Until...


Our 4 friends from the cover crash into the school in a rusted out 1978 Plymouth Horizon with Kool-Aid Man meets misunderstood teenage aggression. Needless to say, they are looking to get in on some extreme graduating action! This group of 4 know only one way to graduate, and it's HARDCORE.

When they get into the school, I think the girl says,
"We just came from Sears and heard there is some graduatin' goin on here. No one graduates in this town without us! It's time to get our LEARN ON! NO CHILD LEFT BEHIND....ENFORCED!" (this is obviously the scene portrayed on the poster.)

After typical stereotypes about 3-color mohawks, teenage angst, a musical montage and a sappy bonding moment where the ENTIRE mob of 1,980 graduates gain the respect of freaky 4.

As for key moments in the movie, I am guessing the most inspirational part of the movie comes when a nerdy graduate, played by Nick Cage asks our friend in the red jacket...

"Will we still be friends after we graduate tonight? I mean, I consider you my friends."

Our extreme friend in the red jacket responds with,

"No, you can be MY wingman."

Of course this doesn't make sense, but once again, I am assuming there was something that had to do with wingmen during the course of the movie.

Much like the previous movie I reviewed, (Alien Dead), Class of 1984 is filmed entirely in 3 feet of water. This is why our learned young adults appear to be adorned in skintight water resistant clothing and high water footwear.

I give this movie an Uber- RAD...

11 Stars.
(not the wimpy gold ones either...I'm talking about the glittery ones.)